Chapter Five: Another Trust Fall

Chapter Five: Another Trust Fall
Do you know what the trust fall is? Well, sometimes I feel like God asks me to do a trust fall into his arms. And no matter how many times I've done it before, it's always quite frightening. I feel like this is a good picture of what the month of September looked like for me.

You see, I had a plan. As soon as I moved on campus I was going to apply for a job in food service. I was sure it would be an easy in because I knew two people already working in the food service department and they both said it shouldn't be too hard to get a job there. So that was my plan. I would move on campus and get a job and make enough money in that first month to pay for my next school payment and keep going like that.

But I should have seen it coming, shouldn't I? God doesn't schedule His life around our plans. In fact, He often has much better plans that He will work out in our lives if we only trust Him. And he definitely didn't work around my plan. I handed in my application and waited eagerly for a call or email inviting me in for an interview. And then a week passed. And then another week passed. And before you know it a month had passed and I hadn't heard anything back. A few acquaintances of mind had already heard back and started working.

"This isn't right," I thought, "God, wasn't this the plan? Wasn't I gonna get a job here and work and earn lots of money? What went wrong? Did I not hand the application in early enough? Did I misspell a word? Did I fill something out wrong? What happened?"

At about the same time, I was also being bombarded by a myriad of things I had to do in my life and I was overwhelmed. I had to fill out paperwork, I had to go to orientation meetings, I had to do homework and figure out how all my classes worked, I had to make friends, I had to pay fees for various things and hand in various sheets to various departments, and more. I began to get so anxious.

"God, I can't do this. I have so much to do and I have no idea how to get it all done in time. I have to do a bunch of adulty things and I don't know if I'm adult enough. I have to know things and accomplish things and submit things and I can't keep it all straight! AH!"

One morning as I was expressing these feelings to God, I was sitting outside on a bench. It was a warm day, and as I prayed my eyes drifted up to the clear blue sky. I watched as several birds floated on top of the air currents without a worry in the world.

"God, I wish I could be like them. They don't have to worry about anything."

To which God replied, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25-34)

It was then that I got it. It was then that it finally clicked. When God said do not worry, He meant it. He wasn't telling me to only worry about the big things that would cause damage if they didn't work out. He wasn't telling me to lift it up to him with a clenched fist. He was telling me that He had it all in His control. He was telling me that I literally did not have to worry about everything. I could once again stop striving and rest in Him. And so I did. I didn't know where the money for my next school payment would come from if I couldn't find a job, but I trusted that He would figure it out which meant I didn't have to. 

Chapter Four: But wait, there's more!

Chapter Four: But Wait, There's More!
Once again, the time was quickly approaching for me to pay my next school bill. And as it approached, I found something strange happening in my heart. As the deadline quickly approached I found that I wasn't anxious. I wasn't worrying. Because I remembered what God had done last month, and I was sure He could do it again if He wanted to. So I didn't worry. My parents, as parents do, would occasionally ask how I was going to pay, and I never knew the specific answer to that question, but I knew it would all work out.

That sounds like a lazy view doesn't it? I thought so at first too. You can't just sit around hoping for everything to work out, can you? Normally, no. You cannot. But you know what makes all the difference? God. And if He has promised to provide for your every need according to His will, why would we reject that and try to do it on our own? Doesn't that route sound so much more tiring and purposeless if someone has already offered to do the dirty work for you?

But I get it. Because I felt so lazy at first too. It wasn't that I was choosing to not do anything because I wasn't willing to do the work. No, that's different. What was happening is that I was learning what it meant to rest in the Lord and stop striving.

That word - striving - do you know what I mean by that? It's that kind of work where you are chasing and chasing after something until you get it. It's the idea of a hamster running on it's hamster wheel. Do you understand how meaningless that is? God has not called us to do no work. In fact, sometimes He specifically calls us to work. According to Him, hard work is good. But He has called us to stop striving. He's called us to stop working so hard on our own, when He's already offered to do the hard work for us. He's called us to stop running on that hamster wheel that doesn't go anywhere, and instead piggy back on Him.

And this was exactly what I was learning in late July. God was teaching me to stop striving and trust Him. Of course that makes no sense in the world's standards, but why would we expect God's standards of living to ever make sense to a broken and sin filled world?

Just as the deadline approached for me to pay my next school bill, my dad asked if He could talk with me. I was baffled at what He could possibly have to say that was so important, but I expected it to be somewhat bad since you rarely ask to talk to someone like that if you have good news. But oh, how wrong I was! In the next few minutes my father shared with me that an organization had decided to give me a one thousand dollar scholarship for school! I was overjoyed. And I was so pleased to see that resting in God's sovereignty had not been a mistake.

I once again was overcome with an awe for God and His awesome power. I was once again reminded of His faithfulness and His goodness. I was once again reminded that He saw me in my plight and cared for me. And once again, I was reminded of His great love for me.

When was the last time you truly took a step back from all the stressors in your life, and rested in God to work them out? When was the last time you choose not to worry about things that should be cause for anxiety and instead trust in God? I encourage you to cast your burdens on the Lord today because His yoke is easy and His burden is light.