It is the season of decisions. College decisions. Job decisions. What to do with your summer decisions. And even, as wedding season is here, the season of making the decision to spend the rest of your life with that special someone.
I've been surrounded by people having to make very hard decisions about their life. Even I just had to make a very difficult decision recently. And from being in that place, and seeing others in that place, I wanted to write a post on how you, as a person on the outside, can help the people around you make these decisions.
1. Acknowledge that you're biased.
It doesn't matter if its about a sports team, a college, or a job situation. You are biased. Maybe you're biased because you went to that college. Maybe you're biased because you've had a similar job situation and made the wrong choice. But to some degree, you are biased. The best way you can help a friend make a decision is to acknowledge that fact to yourself before you start to give your best attempted to be unbiased advice.
2. Look at their options and help to identify what would be the best choice for them personally.
In general, one option might be better all around, but looking at this specific person and what they want and need, you might find yourself suggesting the other option as a better fit.
3. Choose to be okay with God's plan instead of your own.
We often envision our preferred future. In this preferred future, we might decide to have our friend continue living in state, instead of taking that out of state job opportunity that you both know is a better fit. If this friend then goes on to choose the out of state option, its easy to feel angry, disappointed, bitter, and betrayed. But we have to remember that what we wanted to happen was never a reality. We have to remember that what we wanted to happen might have been better for us, but not for our friend who's decision it is to make. We have to remember that the right decision, is not always the one we want. One of the hardest things to do is to keep an open hand to God with those that we love. But that's what we must do when helping loved ones make big decisions. Don't push them towards what you want them to do. Push them towards what you think God wants them to do. And if they listen to God and not you, then even if the outcome is one you don't like, that is a victory.
4. Point them towards Christ.
Ultimately, we have to acknowledge that we don't always have the answers. When loved ones come to us for advice, sometimes the best thing to do is tell them, "I don't know. But God does." I know of people, including myself, who have made decisions because people wanted them to. But we should never make decisions because the people around us tell us to. We should make decisions because we see God leading us there. Sometimes we have to stop listening to all the voices around us, and just listen to God. And when He tells us to go; GO. When people that we love come to us for advice, we have to remind them, that we may give all the advice we want, but none of it matters, because God's plan is really what we should be straining after. Encourage your loved one to listen to God first, and everyone else second.
5. Be happy with them about whatever decision they make.
Making decisions is HARD. And the one thing that is most hurtful after making such a hard choice, is when people put you down, disapprove, or imply that you made the wrong choice. Be affirming and congratulate your friend or loved on on making such a hard decision. Be happy with them! A wise man once told me that "Any decision you make is a good decision. The worst decision you can make is to not make a decision." So be excited for this individual! Yes, there may be bumps in the road, but she will get to those when they come. For now, just take to time to be happy about it.
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