Do you know what the trust fall is? Well, sometimes I feel like God asks me to do a trust fall into his arms. And no matter how many times I've done it before, it's always quite frightening. I feel like this is a good picture of what the month of September looked like for me.
You see, I had a plan. As soon as I moved on campus I was going to apply for a job in food service. I was sure it would be an easy in because I knew two people already working in the food service department and they both said it shouldn't be too hard to get a job there. So that was my plan. I would move on campus and get a job and make enough money in that first month to pay for my next school payment and keep going like that.
But I should have seen it coming, shouldn't I? God doesn't schedule His life around our plans. In fact, He often has much better plans that He will work out in our lives if we only trust Him. And he definitely didn't work around my plan. I handed in my application and waited eagerly for a call or email inviting me in for an interview. And then a week passed. And then another week passed. And before you know it a month had passed and I hadn't heard anything back. A few acquaintances of mind had already heard back and started working.
"This isn't right," I thought, "God, wasn't this the plan? Wasn't I gonna get a job here and work and earn lots of money? What went wrong? Did I not hand the application in early enough? Did I misspell a word? Did I fill something out wrong? What happened?"
At about the same time, I was also being bombarded by a myriad of things I had to do in my life and I was overwhelmed. I had to fill out paperwork, I had to go to orientation meetings, I had to do homework and figure out how all my classes worked, I had to make friends, I had to pay fees for various things and hand in various sheets to various departments, and more. I began to get so anxious.
"God, I can't do this. I have so much to do and I have no idea how to get it all done in time. I have to do a bunch of adulty things and I don't know if I'm adult enough. I have to know things and accomplish things and submit things and I can't keep it all straight! AH!"
One morning as I was expressing these feelings to God, I was sitting outside on a bench. It was a warm day, and as I prayed my eyes drifted up to the clear blue sky. I watched as several birds floated on top of the air currents without a worry in the world.
"God, I wish I could be like them. They don't have to
worry about anything."
To which God replied, "Therefore I tell you, do not
worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body,
what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look
at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and
yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than
they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to
your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how
the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet
I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one
of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the
field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not
much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry,
saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For
the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you
need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his
righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore
do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has
enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25-34)
It was then that I got it. It was then that it finally clicked. When God said do not worry, He meant it. He wasn't telling me to only worry about the big things that would cause damage if they didn't work out. He wasn't telling me to lift it up to him with a clenched fist. He was telling me that He had it all in His control. He was telling me that I literally did not have to worry about everything. I could once again stop striving and rest in Him. And so I did. I didn't know where the money for my next school payment would come from if I couldn't find a job, but I trusted that He would figure it out which meant I didn't have to.
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