5 Ways to Help Yourself Make a Big Decision

And I'm back! You just can't seem to get rid of me this week, now, can you?

Well, I wanted to come back to write what could be considered part two of my last blog post: 5 Ways to Help a Friend or Loved One Make a Big Decision. See Here

Now it might seem a little backwards the order that I'm writing these in. You'd think that I'd tell you how to make the big decision itself, before telling other people how to help you make that decision. But I felt the need to write it in the opposite order. Why? Well, I've seen bad things happen on both sides of the story, but the one that never gets addressed is when you are trying to help someone else make a big decision. And because that doesn't get addressed as often, I felt more of an urgency to write that blog post first.

But for those of you stuck in the middle of making a big decision, have no fear! This blog post is for you!

So what are some ways you can help yourself make a big decision? Well, while running the risk of repeating a lot of what was said in my prior blog post, I will attempt to help you out.

1. Go to God.
This should always be your first response when faced with a big decision. I admit it's not always mine, and from many people I've talked to, it isn't always theirs either. But I will tell you, the decisions that I have regretted the most are the ones I made without consulting God first. And no, this doesn't just mean a little, "God, show me what to do" prayer. This means taking a considerable amount of time talking with your Heavenly Father. And not just talking either. Listening. Read His word. Talk to Him. Listen to Him. Spend time making Him the biggest factor in your decision making process.

2. Go to people you trust...with CAUTION.
Now you might not be the kind of person who needs to hear this. Maybe you are the kind of person who wants to be independent and make decisions all on your own. Maybe you're the kind of person who will listen to someone's advice, and your natural response is to do the exact opposite. To you, I want to say: listen to people around you! They have wisdom to offer! The best thing you can do is listen to their wise words and heed them. But to the rest of you out there, to all the people who are more like me: be careful. Like I mentioned in my last blog post, it's easy to surround yourself with all these voices of the people around you. To try to heed every piece of advice anyone ever offers you. We are the people pleasers. The one's who drown out our own voice by listening to everyone else's. The one's who drown out the still small voice of God by listening to the far louder voices of people. Now I will tell you, many things people tell you will be wise words of advice! But we face the problem of putting too much weight in the words people give us. If you listen to the people around you so much that you feel like you can't hear God anymore...you've got a problem. So here's some advice for you from someone who has the very same problem:

 A. When faced with a big decision to make, before going to any friends or mentors for advice, take a few days just for you and God. Don't talk to anyone else yet. Just take time for yourself and for God. To seek His direction first and listen to His voice before anyone elses.

B. We people pleasers like to hear EVERYONE'S opinions before making a decision. But maybe limit yourself this time. Just go to two or three people you trust and ask for their best advice. This way, you avoid the risk of drowning in a sea of voices, and you are putting priority in the one that matters the most: God.

C. Weigh other people's advice against God's. Ultimately, we know that God has a plan. And not just any plan. The BEST plan. So why not start acting like it? Learn to be okay with the fact that people might be wrong. Sometimes the person you go to about everything and always gives you good advice is wrong this time. If we are listening to God's voice, we will be able to recognize that, and we can have peace with that, because we know that people are flawed, but God isn't.

3. Weigh the Pros and Cons.
This should be a step we take in every decision making process. There are obviously good points and bad points of every decision we make. Maybe they have to do with money, location, relationship, opportunity, etc. But take some time to make a list. Which choice will get you where you want to go? Which do you feel God pulling you towards? Which would grow you to be more Christlike?

One word of advice from my experience: be careful not to choose something just because it would be more comfortable. Everything that the secular world put weight on in decision making is flipped upside down when Jesus is added to the mix. Recently I had to make a very big decision where one option was easier, more convenient, less scary, more friendly, and just all around more comfortable. In the secular world, that would've been the obvious choice. But I knew God was calling me to the option that was scary, was harder, was less comfortable, would push me, challenge me, grow me, and ultimately grow me closer to Him.

4. Keep an open hand.
Sometimes, when we make the decision we felt God calling us towards, we have this idea that because we made the right choice, it will be easy for us. Wrong. Like I just said, sometimes God calls us to make the harder choice. The one that will hurt more at the time. The one that we will wonder why we chose it. But God has a plan. We have to remember that even when things don't go as WE planned them to, they are still going according to God's plan. We need to trust Him and keep an open mind. Be willing to go through some hard stuff if that's what God's calling you towards. Know that life will not be easy or painless. But also know that you know the Ultimate Counselor, Shepherd, Healer, Father, and Plan Maker, and if you trust in Him, He will carry you through.

5. Ask God to give you peace.
A very wise man once told me words that will forever help me in my decision making processes:

"I have often found that God wants me to keep moving even when he hasn't spoken clearly. When he speaks clearly, it's called obedience. When he doesn't, it's called faith."

It is natural to doubt your decisions and wonder if you chose right, but here's the main point: If your goal is to choose the choice God is leading you towards, and you seek Him in the process, you have done the right thing. There will be bumps along the road, but know that God is leading you over every bump and choose to be content with His plan. Pray that He would give you peace about your decision, because He gives a peace that transcends all understanding! And once again, just like I said in the last blog post, "The worst decision you can make is to not make a decision."

Happy decision making!

5 Ways To Help a Friend or Loved One Make a Big Decision

It is the season of decisions. College decisions. Job decisions. What to do with your summer decisions. And even, as wedding season is here, the season of making the decision to spend the rest of your life with that special someone. 

I've been surrounded by people having to make very hard decisions about their life. Even I just had to make a very difficult decision recently. And from being in that place, and seeing others in that place, I wanted to write a post on how you, as a person on the outside, can help the people around you make these decisions.

1. Acknowledge that you're biased.
It doesn't matter if its about a sports team, a college, or a job situation. You are biased. Maybe you're biased because you went to that college. Maybe you're biased because you've had a similar job situation and made the wrong choice. But to some degree, you are biased. The best way you can help a friend make a decision is to acknowledge that fact to yourself before you start to give your best attempted to be unbiased advice.

2. Look at their options and help to identify what would be the best choice for them personally.
In general, one option might be better all around, but looking at this specific person and what they want and need, you might find yourself suggesting the other option as a better fit.

3. Choose to be okay with God's plan instead of your own.
We often envision our preferred future. In this preferred future, we might decide to have our friend continue living in state, instead of taking that out of state job opportunity that you both know is a better fit. If this friend then goes on to choose the out of state option, its easy to feel angry, disappointed, bitter, and betrayed. But we have to remember that what we wanted to happen was never a reality. We have to remember that what we wanted to happen might have been better for us, but not for our friend who's decision it is to make. We have to remember that the right decision, is not always the one we want. One of the hardest things to do is to keep an open hand to God with those that we love. But that's what we must do when helping loved ones make big decisions. Don't push them towards what you want them to do. Push them towards what you think God wants them to do. And if they listen to God and not you, then even if the outcome is one you don't like, that is a victory.

4. Point them towards Christ.
Ultimately, we have to acknowledge that we don't always have the answers. When loved ones come to us for advice, sometimes the best thing to do is tell them, "I don't know. But God does." I know of people, including myself, who have made decisions because people wanted them to. But we should never make decisions because the people around us tell us to. We should make decisions because we see God leading us there. Sometimes we have to stop listening to all the voices around us, and just listen to God. And when He tells us to go; GO. When people that we love come to us for advice, we have to remind them, that we may give all the advice we want, but none of it matters, because God's plan is really what we should be straining after. Encourage your loved one to listen to God first, and everyone else second.

5. Be happy with them about whatever decision they make.
Making decisions is HARD. And the one thing that is most hurtful after making such a hard choice, is when people put you down, disapprove, or imply that you made the wrong choice. Be affirming and congratulate your friend or loved on on making such a hard decision. Be happy with them! A wise man once told me that "Any decision you make is a good decision. The worst decision you can make is to not make a decision." So be excited for this individual! Yes, there may be bumps in the road, but she will get to those when they come. For now, just take to time to be happy about it.