As October approached I began to get nervous about my next school payment. Now before I go on, let me explain what I mean by nervous. You see, God had been slowly growing my faith over the past few months. I no longer tried to provide for myself by myself. He had taught me to trust in Him. I no longer wondered if He could provide large chunks of money because I knew He could. He had taught me to trust in Him. I no longer wondered if He could provide money in enough time. I knew He could. He had taught me to trust Him. And I was no longer afraid that somehow it wasn't His will to provide money for me. I knew He had specifically called me to Moody Bible Institute for this season and He would provide the funds needed for that. He had taught me to trust in Him.
So I was not nervous that I had to work harder to make the money I needed. I was not nervous that God might not be able to provide enough money. I was not nervous that God might not be able to provide money in enough time. And I was not nervous that He didn't want to provide me money. God had taught me to have faith in all of those areas. It was a different kind of nervous.
You know when you watch a suspenseful movie sometimes. Whether it's an action movie or a thriller movie or just and intense scene, you often feel a certain kind of suspense as you watch the story unravel. It's not that you wonder if you favorite character will survive or if they will get the package, or if they will save the fair maiden or if they will slay the beast. In most cases you know that everything will turn out just fine. You know that your favorite character will conquer in the end. So you don't feel that suspense because you're scared about what might happen to them. Often, you feel the intensity because you just don't know how they will get there. You don't know how that character will make it from point A to point B. You don't know how much pain and suffering they might go to to get there. You don't know how long they will have to wait and fight to finally be victorious. You don't feel nervous because you wonder how the story will end. You feel nervous because you don't know how it will get there.
And that is the kind of nervousness I felt as I waited for God to provide the money for my school payment. I knew that He had it all worked out already. I knew that there was a happy ending. But as the deadline approached, I sat in suspense waiting to see how that would happen.
Once again I was nervous I would go under my checking account limit and have to pay fees. I would be paying the last bit of money I had made working Camp and I didn't know if I had enough.
"God, you're going to have to work this all out, you know. I don't have enough money for this. Once again, if you don't provide what I need, I have no plan B. I'm trusting you to make sure I don't go under the limit because I can't afford to pay any extra fees right now. Please provide for what I need. I know you are faithful and good and that you will take care of me."
And as I prayed this prayer over and over, I felt God telling me, "Just write the check and watch what I can do!"
So I did. One afternoon, I sat down on my bed, pulled out my checkbook and wrote the check out for the exact payment needed. I knew that even if I didn't have enough money in my account to stay above the $500, God would work it out somehow. What happened next left me speechless.
As I balanced my checkbook, and added up the numbers I waited to see if I even had any money left. I did the math and wrote down the answer: $509. I had $509 left in my account. Just enough so that I didn't have to pay fees. I freaked out.
"Oh my goodness! OH MY GOODNESS! Jesus, you are SO good! Thank you so much for providing for me over and over. You are more faithful to your people than I can even comprehend. Thank you!"
And once again, God had provided exactly what I needed. He is faithful!
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