Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Chapter Three: Just In Time

Chapter Three: Just in Time
Did you know that God knows more than you do? I knew that too. But sometimes it's easy to forget until He shows you. Well He definitely showed me, and this is how it happened.

Since God had provided the thousand dollars for me to pay for school with, I had been so happy and excited about His never ending faithfulness. As I made my checklist of things to do before school started, I was so encouraged. I knew that God has clearly called me to Moody Bible Institute, and I was slowly making progress in checking things off my list so I could go. One of the things on that list was to sign up for the payment plan. I knew I didn't have enough money to pay for the entire semester all at once.

So one night I sat down and opened the website. I filled in the sheet for the payment program with my name, address, birthday, and class details, and submitted it to the appropriate department. I then found out some information I had not known before. The first payment was due on July 1st. Which was only a few days away. At first I freaked out.

"I didn't know I had to pay so soon. Oh no! Will the check get there in time? Will I have to pay late fees?"

But then as I thought about it more, I became more in awe of God. The amount I had to pay was just over a thousand dollars. Around the same amount God had just provided for me. This was pretty amazing to me. But that wasn't the only thing that was amazing.

In my particular checking account at the bank, I have to keep at least $500 in the account to avoid paying any extra fees. As I wrote out the check, addressed the envelope, and balanced my checkbook, I was amazed to realize something else. I had originally thought that God had provided that thousand dollars way ahead of time. I wondered why God would do that, because it seemed unlike Him. But little did I know that it wasn't very far ahead of time at all.

What actually happened was that God knew something I didn't and provided for it just in time. If I did not receive that thousand dollars in the time that I did, I would have gone under the limit in my checking account and would've had to pay a bunch of fees that I couldn't afford.

Once again I was in awe of God. I was reminded that He is so faithful and SO good. Sometimes we don't even know we need His provision and He still provides. Sometimes He gives us things we didn't even know to ask for. He is always watching out for us and caring for us, whether averting a crisis from happening in our lives, or whether providing just the right thing at just the right time.

We so often worry about the "what if's", but do we realize how many "what if's" God has already prevented from happening in our day? How much more would we trust our Lord if we realized how faithful He is in caring for His children.

He doesn't just care about the big things, dear Christian. He cares about the small things to...like a checkbook balance. What are you worried about today? What makes you anxious? Ask the Lord to show you His faithful provision for you, and you may just find your eyes widening in awe of your heavenly Daddy!

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Chapter Two: The Waiting Game

Chapter Two: The Waiting Game
"Okay God, you've called me to work Camp, which I clearly cannot afford. So I'm trusting that you will provide the money I'm lacking."

And so I waited for the money to start pouring in.
And I waited.
And I waited,
February passed. March passed. April passed. May passed. And other than the few babysitting jobs I got, there was no money pouring in. I was excited for Camp to start in June, but I began to question my decision.

"Did I make the wrong choice? Will I have enough money to go to school? God, I thought you were taking care of this. It's been months and I haven't seen any money come in."

During this time, we began to go through a sermon series on faith in church. This series was both an encouragement and challenge to me as I asked these tough questions. When I got together with my bible study and we talked about what we had learned from the sermons, and always on my mind was my decision about my summer. Whether I shared about it, or just thought about it, I was always pondering my continued faith in trusting God for money. Because I was still waiting. But I still knew God was in control.

Through those couple weeks I got the opportunity to share my story with several groups of people hoping that God would use it somehow to inspire faith in their own lives. And slowly, I did see it impact people.

But I was still waiting for money. And as the first couple weeks of Camp passed, the reality hit that I had less than one month before I had to pay the first bill for school. And I began to panic.

"God, you are faithful. I am trusting you to provide the money that I don't have. What are you doing? Why are you waiting. Are you going to provide it? Or do you not want me to go to school in the fall. If that's your will, let it be. But I have worked so hard to finally be able to go on campus. I want it so bad. Please allow me to go. Please provide he money in time. I have no plan B. If you don't provide it, I've got nothing."

And as God often tends to do, just when I was starting to question his faithfulness again, He gently reminded me that He will never fail me. He reminded me that having no plan B was just where he wanted me. He was most glorified through my life when I was most dependent on Him!

How did he remind me of this? Well, one evening before I left from Bible study, a friend handed me an envelope. I was confused because I had no idea why she would have anything to give me, but I stuck it in my purse to open when I got home. One I arrived back home, I pulled the envelope out and opened it. Inside was a note that read something like, "Your faith is inspiring. Hope this helps with school." I reached back into the envelope, baffled at what the note meant. As I reached in, my hand felt another piece of paper which I pulled out. I looked at it in awe as I realized it was a check for a thousand dollars.

My heart began to pound, and my eyes began to fill with tears. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! God, you did it! You really are faithful! How could I doubt you? Oh my goodness! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

I was baffled. I had heard of things like this happening to people, but I never thought it'd happen to me. I thought that God would provide money through a job, or through a few dollars here and there, but I never thought He'd be able to just hand me a check. That is the moment when God reminded me that He is God. He is in control of all the money in the world. He is the richest man alive. And if I need money, He has no trouble providing it. He can do anything. And I don't always have to strive to work hard enough to earn it either. Sometimes He will provide a job for me to earn money with. But sometimes He just wants me to stop striving, rest in Him, and watch Him do something amazing.

He reminded me that He is my Father. And I am his daughter. I am like a little three year old girl looking up in awe at her daddy saying, "Daddy, do a magic trick! Daddy, do a magic trick!" And like the most wonderful Daddy of all, my heavenly Father swoops me up in His arms and delights in doing amazing things as my eyes widen with wonder and I run to tell all my little friends how awesome my daddy is. My heavenly Daddy delights in providing for me. And He is glorified when I stop trying to do it myself and just watch Him in awe!

And I did tell all my little friends what my heavenly Daddy did. I was so excited about it. How could I hold it in? I delighted in sharing my story and watching others people's eyes widen in wonderment too! I found joy in seeing my story inspire faith in them too.

And as I shared my story with one child of God, she shared one of the wisest pieces of advice I've heard in a long time. "You know, I bet that the closer and closer it gets to the time you have to pay your school bills, the longer God's gonna wait to provide, so that you learn to depend on Him more." And it has been true. Each time God provides, He stretches my dependence on Him even more. He is faithful, but He will not allow me to become comfortable in my awe of Him. He wants me to grow ever closer to Him as I depend on Him more and more.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Chapter One: Stepping Out on the Water

Welcome back to my favorite hangout spot! My blog is truly one of my favorite places to chill when I have downtime. Unfortunately, free time is rare as a full time college student. But that is all the better for you, my dear, because this post that you're about to read had been mulling over in my mind for more than two months now. What you're about to read might be uncomfortable. It might be a little scary. And at first glance, you might not agree. But for that I am grateful. Because if this post makes you think, then I have done my job well.

You might be asking what could be written in a mere blog post that might make one so uncomfortable. Summed up it is this: We as Christians are called to be completely dependent on God for our finances, and that is a gift. I am not saying that God will not sometimes give His children an abundance of wealth and possessions to bless others with. That is sometimes the case. But if you will allow me to make such a bold statement, I would like to say that this is not the case for the majority of Christians. The majority of Christians in the American church value comfort as much as they value God, and for this reason they hold their money with a tightly clenched fist.  This is not God's intent. We are called to surrender EVERYTHING to Him, even when it makes no sense realistically. And the stories I am about to share are proof of that. Often, what God requests of us is basically the opposite of realistic.

Now, already you may have some doubts about what I'm saying, or even some arguments. But that is not the purpose of this post. I intend to challenge you, but I also intend to share many stories of God's faithfulness in my life. Because God is GOOD. So, so good!

After beginning to write down all the thoughts and stories that have occurred in my life in the past, I have realized that this story has many chapters. And to tell them all in one sitting would cause you sacrifice hours of your life just to sit and read. So instead, I have decided to tell this story in a series of blog posts, telling one chapter at a time. So sit down, relax, and enjoy the divine narrative that God is writing through my life.

Chapter One: Stepping Out On the Water
It all began back in February of 2015. February was when I started to make plans for my summer. And every year for the past five years, I had worked at a summer camp during the summer. That camp was one of my greatest joys and passions. But this year things were different. This year I could not afford to skate by earning less than minimum wage. This year I needed a real job. This year I had to pay for school.

But this reality broke my heart. The more I thought of being away from Camp, the more I grieved. I felt like I could never truly be happy working a regular job. So I wrestled. I wrestled with God.

"Lord, you know I can't afford to work Camp. You know that I need a real job. Please place a real job in my path. Please give me something to pay the bills."

"Lord, every job opportunity I have falls through. You know I can't just work various babysitting jobs and make enough money. What are you doing?"

"Lord, this deep longing in my heart to work Camp won't go away. You know I can't afford that. Why would you put this longing in my heart if it can't be fulfilled? Why won't you make it go away. Right now I feel like I could never be happy doing anything else."

Those few months were so hard. I knew I needed to make a decision about my summer, but I could not. I wrestled so much. Many tears were shed during those weeks. And many people were asked to pray. I ended up seriously considering working Camp, but I was so conflicted.

"God, is this selfish? Am I just doing what's comfortable? I truly do want to do your will, but I've having trouble distinguishing that from my own desires."

"Jesus, this is so unrealistic. I know if I choose to work Camp, I will never be able to afford school, and yet I'm seriously considering working Camp. What am I doing?"

These discussions continued, as well as many discussions with friends and mentors asking for advice and prayer. As the conflicted feelings came to a climax, God in His faithfulness finally made it clear to me what He was doing.

One afternoon I was sitting in the rocking chair in our living room thinking about life. The night before, I had the opportunity to give a talk at my church's high school youth group. I had spoken on a passage that is well known in the church. It was the passage about Peter walking on water. In the lesson, I emphasized the extreme faith it takes to step out on the water. Walking on water is not logical. It doesn't make sense. It goes against every lesson we've ever learned and every law of nature we know is in place. And yet when Jesus called Peter out on the water, he lifted his foot out of the boat and placed it on top of the stormy water. What faith! For a few moments Peter was walking with his eyes fixed on his Savior, but as soon as he lifted his eyes to the story clouds, billowing winds, and wavy water, fear entered his heart and he began to sink.

I wonder what was going through Peter's mind at that moment. It might have even felt like waking up from a dream perhaps. 'What am I doing? This can't be real. This is not possible. This is unrealistic. I am going to sink.'

You see, from the world's point of view, Peter was finally snapping out of his delusion. He was finally getting some common sense. He was finally starting to be a realist. Do you see the twisted nature of this? The world tells us to be realistic in the way we think and make decisions, and so we try to be realistic while still following Jesus. And I feel like in most cases, that does not work very well. Because faith is not realistic. "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase," as Martin Luther King Jr. once said. And this is the lesson that God had to teach me.

As I sat in that rocking chair thinking through life, God entered in and began conversing with me.
"Remember that lesson you taught last night? Remember when Peter walked onto the water? Remember how Peter longed to be like his Rabbi, and pleaded for Jesus to call him out on the water? And remember that Jesus called, and Peter then had to take the step of faith out on the water to do something that didn't make sense?"

"Yes, Lord, I remember."

"Well that is what I'm calling you to do. You have pleaded with me for weeks to let you step out on the water and work Camp. You have asked to do something that does not make sense because you long to serve Me. Now I am calling you to come. I am giving you the 'go'. I know it doesn't make sense to walk on water. But will you trust me? Will you step from the safe realistic boat onto the water and walk day by day towards Me?

"Yes, Lord, I will."

I was so happy to finally have confirmation. I was so happy to finally hear clearly from the Lord. For so long I was afraid I was being selfish for following the desire God had placed in my heart. For so long I had thought I was being foolish for trusting in God and making the one decision that was the least realistic and made the least sense. For so long I had thought that I needed to listen to the wise words of the world around me instead of the still small voice I heard inside. But finally it made sense. God's call to me will not always make sense. God's call will not always look "smart". God's call will sometimes even cause other Christians to raise their eyebrow in concern. But listening for God's voice among the crowd is always the best choice.

So I made my decision. I would work Camp during the summer. I would make barely enough money to pay for two months of school instead of making enough to cover the entire semester. I would commit my summer to ministry rather than committing it to providing for my future. I knew that I could not afford to work Camp. I knew that I would never be able to pay for school on the path I currently was taking. But I chose to trust God. And I knew that somehow, He would make it all work out.