Chapter One: Stepping Out on the Water

Welcome back to my favorite hangout spot! My blog is truly one of my favorite places to chill when I have downtime. Unfortunately, free time is rare as a full time college student. But that is all the better for you, my dear, because this post that you're about to read had been mulling over in my mind for more than two months now. What you're about to read might be uncomfortable. It might be a little scary. And at first glance, you might not agree. But for that I am grateful. Because if this post makes you think, then I have done my job well.

You might be asking what could be written in a mere blog post that might make one so uncomfortable. Summed up it is this: We as Christians are called to be completely dependent on God for our finances, and that is a gift. I am not saying that God will not sometimes give His children an abundance of wealth and possessions to bless others with. That is sometimes the case. But if you will allow me to make such a bold statement, I would like to say that this is not the case for the majority of Christians. The majority of Christians in the American church value comfort as much as they value God, and for this reason they hold their money with a tightly clenched fist.  This is not God's intent. We are called to surrender EVERYTHING to Him, even when it makes no sense realistically. And the stories I am about to share are proof of that. Often, what God requests of us is basically the opposite of realistic.

Now, already you may have some doubts about what I'm saying, or even some arguments. But that is not the purpose of this post. I intend to challenge you, but I also intend to share many stories of God's faithfulness in my life. Because God is GOOD. So, so good!

After beginning to write down all the thoughts and stories that have occurred in my life in the past, I have realized that this story has many chapters. And to tell them all in one sitting would cause you sacrifice hours of your life just to sit and read. So instead, I have decided to tell this story in a series of blog posts, telling one chapter at a time. So sit down, relax, and enjoy the divine narrative that God is writing through my life.

Chapter One: Stepping Out On the Water
It all began back in February of 2015. February was when I started to make plans for my summer. And every year for the past five years, I had worked at a summer camp during the summer. That camp was one of my greatest joys and passions. But this year things were different. This year I could not afford to skate by earning less than minimum wage. This year I needed a real job. This year I had to pay for school.

But this reality broke my heart. The more I thought of being away from Camp, the more I grieved. I felt like I could never truly be happy working a regular job. So I wrestled. I wrestled with God.

"Lord, you know I can't afford to work Camp. You know that I need a real job. Please place a real job in my path. Please give me something to pay the bills."

"Lord, every job opportunity I have falls through. You know I can't just work various babysitting jobs and make enough money. What are you doing?"

"Lord, this deep longing in my heart to work Camp won't go away. You know I can't afford that. Why would you put this longing in my heart if it can't be fulfilled? Why won't you make it go away. Right now I feel like I could never be happy doing anything else."

Those few months were so hard. I knew I needed to make a decision about my summer, but I could not. I wrestled so much. Many tears were shed during those weeks. And many people were asked to pray. I ended up seriously considering working Camp, but I was so conflicted.

"God, is this selfish? Am I just doing what's comfortable? I truly do want to do your will, but I've having trouble distinguishing that from my own desires."

"Jesus, this is so unrealistic. I know if I choose to work Camp, I will never be able to afford school, and yet I'm seriously considering working Camp. What am I doing?"

These discussions continued, as well as many discussions with friends and mentors asking for advice and prayer. As the conflicted feelings came to a climax, God in His faithfulness finally made it clear to me what He was doing.

One afternoon I was sitting in the rocking chair in our living room thinking about life. The night before, I had the opportunity to give a talk at my church's high school youth group. I had spoken on a passage that is well known in the church. It was the passage about Peter walking on water. In the lesson, I emphasized the extreme faith it takes to step out on the water. Walking on water is not logical. It doesn't make sense. It goes against every lesson we've ever learned and every law of nature we know is in place. And yet when Jesus called Peter out on the water, he lifted his foot out of the boat and placed it on top of the stormy water. What faith! For a few moments Peter was walking with his eyes fixed on his Savior, but as soon as he lifted his eyes to the story clouds, billowing winds, and wavy water, fear entered his heart and he began to sink.

I wonder what was going through Peter's mind at that moment. It might have even felt like waking up from a dream perhaps. 'What am I doing? This can't be real. This is not possible. This is unrealistic. I am going to sink.'

You see, from the world's point of view, Peter was finally snapping out of his delusion. He was finally getting some common sense. He was finally starting to be a realist. Do you see the twisted nature of this? The world tells us to be realistic in the way we think and make decisions, and so we try to be realistic while still following Jesus. And I feel like in most cases, that does not work very well. Because faith is not realistic. "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase," as Martin Luther King Jr. once said. And this is the lesson that God had to teach me.

As I sat in that rocking chair thinking through life, God entered in and began conversing with me.
"Remember that lesson you taught last night? Remember when Peter walked onto the water? Remember how Peter longed to be like his Rabbi, and pleaded for Jesus to call him out on the water? And remember that Jesus called, and Peter then had to take the step of faith out on the water to do something that didn't make sense?"

"Yes, Lord, I remember."

"Well that is what I'm calling you to do. You have pleaded with me for weeks to let you step out on the water and work Camp. You have asked to do something that does not make sense because you long to serve Me. Now I am calling you to come. I am giving you the 'go'. I know it doesn't make sense to walk on water. But will you trust me? Will you step from the safe realistic boat onto the water and walk day by day towards Me?

"Yes, Lord, I will."

I was so happy to finally have confirmation. I was so happy to finally hear clearly from the Lord. For so long I was afraid I was being selfish for following the desire God had placed in my heart. For so long I had thought I was being foolish for trusting in God and making the one decision that was the least realistic and made the least sense. For so long I had thought that I needed to listen to the wise words of the world around me instead of the still small voice I heard inside. But finally it made sense. God's call to me will not always make sense. God's call will not always look "smart". God's call will sometimes even cause other Christians to raise their eyebrow in concern. But listening for God's voice among the crowd is always the best choice.

So I made my decision. I would work Camp during the summer. I would make barely enough money to pay for two months of school instead of making enough to cover the entire semester. I would commit my summer to ministry rather than committing it to providing for my future. I knew that I could not afford to work Camp. I knew that I would never be able to pay for school on the path I currently was taking. But I chose to trust God. And I knew that somehow, He would make it all work out.