Reflections on Lent from a First-Timer

We've all heard about it before. Lent. The season where religious folks give up something for 40 days and Catholics can't eat meat on Fridays. Many protestants view it as a religious ritual that is strict and unnecessary during this Easter season, but is it really? I decided to find out.

Growing up, I heard about lent once in a while, but it was definitely never at the forefront of my mind. It seemed like one of those religious rituals that went along with the conservative Christendom of the olden days, so I didn't think much of it.

Once in a while I would hear about lent apart from a Catholic context while listening to a Christian radio station or from a friend who decided to observe the Lenten season. I learned that it wasn't just a Catholic discipline and that it was a valuable practice to observe. So I thought that someday I might give it a try. But every year when the Easter season rolled around, I decided I would rather not sacrifice if it wasn't necessary.

This year was different. This year I was attending a Christian Bible school when Lenten season rolled around and I heard more and more people talking about it. Contrary to popular belief, the youth of the church are not crying out for more electric guitars and cool light shows in churches. Instead I see more and more of my friends embracing Anglican churches and liturgical tradition. Individualism has taken its toll, and now Christian millennials are desiring to join with saints past and present in long held tradition to proclaim and live out biblical truths in meaningful ways.

"Individualism has taken its toll, and now Christian millennials are desiring to join with saints past and present in long held tradition to proclaim and live out biblical truths in meaningful ways."

 Slowly through the past couple of years as I have heard more and more professors and students talk about it, I have grown a deep appreciation for liturgy. I never grew up in a liturgical church and didn't understand the meaning behind it as a child. But once I began to grasp its importance, I wished more churches incorporated liturgy into their services.

Liturgy is a way to identify yourself as a part of the worldwide body of Christ and join with the church throughout all time in proclaiming the core truths of Christian doctrine. When a congregation recites the apostles creed, it is not just rote and empty words. Instead, it is a way to join with every other believer who has uttered those words and proclaim the truths of our faith together. What a beautiful act, and what a wonderful way to worship God!

My appreciation for liturgy continued to grow and when Lenten season came upon us this year, I began to reconsider the way I'd thought about it in years past. I had wondered about it from afar for so long, but this year I decided to give it a shot. I admit, I felt like I was shooting in the dark, because I really had no idea what I was doing. I knew the basics - the very basics - and that was it. But you know what's beautiful about that? God didn't care.

So often in the church we feel shame if we don't have all the answers, especially for the kids who grew up in church and went to Sunday school every week. But Jesus never called us to have all the answers. He called us to follow him - even if that means shooting in the dark once in a while.

So when I started out in my lenten journey, I had no idea what I was doing. It ended up being a beautiful way for God to show me that He meets me exactly where I'm at, and he doesn't ask me to have all the answers before I come to Him.

I started off lent by typing in a Google search for "what to give up for lent". Not the most spiritual way to choose sacrifice, I know. The night before Ash Wednesday, I decided I would give up chocolate. This was for many reasons. One is that I often use chocolate to soothe my emotions. I decided I should probably be going to Jesus with that rather than an inanimate object. Another reason I decided on Chocolate is because I LOVE chocolate. I wanted to choose something that would actually be a sacrifice rather than a slight inconvenience. I knew that I would miss chocolate. But on top of that, I knew it would cause me to rejoice all the more when the day of my Savior's Resurrection came. It's a little thing, but just imagine the joy of reaching into that Easter basket and pulling out a chocolate bar to consume after sacrificing that joy for over a month. Looking forward to that small joy has helped emphasize the far greater joy and celebration that the Resurrection brings.

I admit I observed lent imperfectly. I broke it on occasion for specific reasons, and I did not spend as much time spiritually reflecting on the Easter story as I would have liked. But to me, this time was a way to physically experience a symbolic practice that helped prepare my heart for all that this season means. It was an intentional way for me to engage in that meaning.

I went to our campus Ash Wednesday service that Wednesday knowing nothing more than the couple sentence summary a friend had given me about what such a service is meant to be. I felt uncomfortable as I sat down and participated in something so foreign to me. We read prayers together and lamented over our sin. I asked God to teach me how to lament over sin, since I had no clue what that looked like practically. It was the most somber service I have ever attended, and that made me squirm. But it was refreshing to me because it was real. I was uncomfortable because it was new, but I rejoiced because it was beautiful. Why didn't the church join together to lament sin more often?

"Why doesn't the church join together to lament sin more often?"

At the end of the service we lined up to get the ash cross placed on our forehead or hand. This made me uneasy at first because it seemed like such a self-righteous thing to do, just to proclaim to the world how spiritual you were for observing lent. But when they explained that it was a physical symbol to be used as a reminder of our humble place before God, my appreciation for the mark grew. It was truly meaningful to see that symbol on my hand throughout the day and remember the profound truth of where I stand before our great Lord and Master.

As I observed the Lenten season, I also found out that we are not to fast on Sundays. The Sabbath is a day when we are to feast and rest and enjoy God's presence with us. I found that I often forgot to eat chocolate on these days, but the mere freedom to do so was a great reminder to me to enjoy God and celebrate the Sabbath.

As this Lenten season comes to a close, I look back on the past forty days with gratitude. A spiritual discipline that once seemed so rigid and void of meaning has now become very close to my heart and has drawn me to my Savior. I have looked forward to Easter morning more than I have in years because my heart is ready to celebrate. Easter encapsulates the celebration of the biggest scandal ever recorded, when my Jesus gave up everything, made himself nothing, died a criminal's death, and conquered over that death so that the King of Kings can be my Father and Lord. Too often words fall short of expressing all that the gospel means, and too often we reduce it to a monotone 1-sentence summary, but there is truly no better thing to celebrate. Happy Easter! Our Lord is Risen!

Our Lord is Risen!

To learn more about Lent, you can read a blog post my friend wrote HERE.

50% Makes a Difference

What do you see when you look at the women around you?
Do you see moms, daughters, friends, wives, grandmothers, or aunts? Do you see a doctor, a nanny, a teacher, a cashier, or a scientist? Do you see a smear of lipstick with a skirt that's a little too short? Do you see a girl that giggles a little too much when that boy talks to her? Do you see a flawless complexion and curves that make your head spin?

I want you to actually evaluate this before you read on. What are words you would use to describe the women around you? Beautiful? Sweet? Cute? Nurturing? Comforting? Smart? Sarcastic?

I have no doubt that you have some really great women in your life. You probably have some really great friends that are women. Who are those women? And even beyond your own inner circle, I'm sure you have women in your life that you see pretty regularly. Like that one librarian that always checks your books out or that lady at church that you talk to once in a while.

Whoever those women are and however you view them, I want to take a few minutes to challenge your thinking a little bit. Before I do, I want to throw a couple of statistics your way to think about.

This first statistic is one that is sure to shock you. Seriously guys, prepare for your minds to be blown: Women make up half of the world's population. Woah, I know! Crazy right? For those of you who want more specific details, as of 2015, 49.5% of the world's population is made up of women, and that percentage raises to 50.4% in North America. [source]

All joking aside, one thing that many people forget is that all those articles and Facebook status' ranting about 'women's issues' have a lot more legitimacy than we want to give them because women's issues affect 50% of the entire world's population, so women's issues are world issues.

I'm not talking about wage gaps or dress codes or gender stereotypes or even beauty standards. Those are all things that are important and need to be talked about, but those issues have voices around the world speaking up and starting discussions about them. What I want to ask you today is about something that runs much deeper, but is so often invisible.

When you think of those women in your life, and all the words you would use to describe them, is survivor on that list of words? How many of those women do you look at in your daily life and see as survivors?

Maybe you can list one or two of your friends who have some rough backstories. Maybe this is a word you rarely use to describe those around you, but when you think of the vague faces of women around the world, its a word that's on your radar. Maybe it's not a word you've used at all. Let me share with you a truth that I hope sticks with you in the days and weeks to come: many if not most of the women you meet are survivors.

Let me say it one more time: Many if not most of the women you meet are survivors. Let me tell you why.

85% of domestic violence victims are women [source]

40-45% of women in abusive relationships are raped or abused during the relationship. [source]

70% of women worldwide will experience physical and/or sexual abuse by an intimate partner during their lifetime. [source]

1 in 3 women have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. [source]

3               2               1

1 in 5 women have been raped in their lifetime. [source]

5          4          3          2          1

82% of juvenile victims of rape and 90% of adult victims of rape are female. [source]

1 in 5 girls are victims of child sexual abuse. [source]

5          4          3          2          1

Every nine seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten. [source]

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

0

Do you realize the devastating implications of these statistics? The majority of women have been victimized, often by the men in closest proximity to them. And these statistics are only covering a small segment of issues. This is not talking about eating disorders or depression or self harm or divorce. Those would add even more women in pain to our discussion. 

Let those statistics sink in for a minute and apply them to the faces of women in your life. Think of Rachel, or Grace, or Sarah, or Kylie, or Brianna, or Hannah, or Katie, or Barb, or Linda, or Deb. Have they been victimized in these ways? 

The truth is, while these statistics themselves are devastating, they are not even scratching the surface of what women suffer worldwide. When we start talking on the global level we have to start considering that in many cultures, wife beating is a normal part of marriage, and giving birth to a baby girl is considered a disgrace. In war zones rape is used as a weapon. In many cultures worldwide, women are voiceless and suffer atrocities we can barely even start to imagine. 

When we look at women globally we have a whole new set of statistics to consider. Women make up 1/2 of the world's population, do 2/3 of the world's work and make 1/3 of the world's income. 60% of the world's illiterate are women. Women are thought to have less value and less to offer to the society. Therefore, globally women make up the majority of the world's poor and oppressed people. 

Maybe you've heard statistics like these before. Maybe you haven't. But the truth is: These statistics change things. Or at least they should. Knowing these facts should change the way we view the world and it should change the way we act towards the women around us. Especially as the body of Christ!

While we might expect that these statistics would be different within church walls, the sad fact is that they aren't. Women in the church face the same brokenness that women in the rest of the world do. Little girls in Sunday school have already been sexually abused. Teenagers in the youth ministry have been raped. And that women within the congregation has worn long sleeves to cover the bruises left by her godly husband. But let me clue you in on a little secret: women are strong. Broken women don't always look like broken women. Sometimes the most positive, most encouraging, most loving women are the ones that have faced the greatest hardships. And honestly, women have grown accustomed to being shut down, shut out, and silenced by the men around them, even if its in subtle ways. But this should not be, especially in the church!

Just look at the way Jesus treated women. He encountered broken women everywhere he went, in a culture where women were silenced, poor, and oppressed. In that culture, you had no hope or place in society if you had no husband. Jesus lived in a culture where sinful women were stoned, and husband-less women were poor and hungry. Women had no voice or authority in society. And yet Jesus did not treat women as society viewed them. He encountered women that were at the lowest position they could be at, and he still treated them with dignity and value. Think of the women caught in adultery. She was not alone in her sin, yet it was only the woman they brought to Jesus. To them, she was only a device they were using to catch Jesus in saying something that went against the Scriptures, and yet they intended to stone her. To them her life was worthless. But Jesus saw her and he had compassion on her. He did not speak to the men about her. He spoke directly to her. He gave her a voice. He silenced her oppressors. And instead of condemning her, he sent her home telling her to "sin no more". 

It was the same with the Woman at the Well. The woman's first impression of Jesus was one that made her question why he was treating her so nicely. He was a man, and she was a woman. He was a Jew, and she was a Samaritan. There was no reason he should even glance her direction, much less start a meaningful conversation with her. Especially since she was such an outcast even in her own town. Even the other woman didn't want to come collect water with her. And yet Jesus comes and starts talking with her as if none of these things matter. And even when the elephant in the room comes up, that she has had five husbands and the one she was living with now wasn't even her husband, Jesus treats her with the utmost love and dignity. As if her worth is not defined by what she has done or what she has suffered. *Gasp* What a concept! 

Not only did he treat sinful women with dignity and gave them a voice, but he included women in his ministry. Jesus had women disciples. Not within his group of 12 apostles, but within the 72 you better believe there were some women sitting there! In Luke chapter 8, it even mentions several notable women that supported Jesus' ministry financially, which was something only men did back in that day. And as we see in the story of Mary and Martha, Jesus was delighted to have women sitting at his feet and learning from him. 

It's time we started not just reflecting Jesus in how we pray or make disciples, but reflecting Jesus in how we treat women! 

The sad fact is that when we discuss women's roles in the church, we rarely discuss these aspects about Jesus ministry. When the topic of women comes up in Christian conversations, it is mostly because we are arguing whether or not women can preach or be pastors. Where are the discussions about how we can serve our sisters in Christ better? Where are the discussions about how we can give dignity and voice to broken women like Jesus did? When did women in the church become more of a political argument than a group of broken people that we can serve?

Also, there is a very key verse in Genesis 1:27 that we often forget about: "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." This does not say that God only created men in his image and women are just the icing on the cake. This is how we act sometimes, though. The verse says that men and women were equally created in God's image. Male and female are distinct genders with unique differences to them, but both are equally created in God's image. So to most fully reflect the image of God to the world, men and women must work together. That's how God created it. There are aspects of maleness that enable men to reflect God is ways that women can't. And in the same way, there are aspects to femaleness that enable women to reflect God in a way that men can't. So to reflect God in the most powerful and tangible way possible, both men and women must be present, have a voice, and be empowered to use the gifts and abilities God has created them with. 

Now I certainly hope that I've already challenged your thinking to some extent. I have been praying even as I write these words that God would use my writing to speak His truth to you. But I'm not going to stop here. To really make my point I need to get practical. And to do that, I need to address each gender separately. So men, forgive me. I will be addressing the women readers, but I have a lot more to say to you. This is not because I want to condemn you or point fingers at you. I know a lot of blog posts of this nature do that, and I'm sorry. I have a very different message to share with you, but you've got to hang in there for just a moment while I address the women in the crowd.

Women,

I don't doubt that these statistics were no surprise for you. I know you know women who have dealt with these things and I know many of you have faced these things in your own life, and I am so sorry. I see you. Your pain is not invisible. I know that pain is isolating, but can we work to change that. What if the church was a place where pain and brokenness brought us into community? If we change the way we see other women, we can be part of changing the fact that so many women carry around this burden of invisible and isolating pain. As I was talking about this blog post with my roommate, she said something that I think is so true. "Almost all women are women in pain." What if we saw that when we looked at the women around us? What if we let this fact inform the way we do women's ministry? What if instead of doing tea parties where we talk about how to be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman, we hosted prayer nights where we fought on our knees for the desperate women in pain around us? 

And how much more can we let this affect our relationships. When we look into the face of our friend that just said she was "good", will we choose to see the fear and sadness in her eyes? Will we be bold enough to be good listeners? Will we hold our sisters and cry with them, even if healing is a slow journey? Will we give them space to lament and doubt why God lets bad things happen? Will we be their voice when they have no words from being silenced for so long? I challenge you from this day forward to see the women in your life differently and to let this knowledge inform your actions. If we all did this, how could we change the culture around us and be Jesus' hands and feet to a hurting world?

Men,

I beg you to wrestle with the things I've said in this post and as the Lord what He is asking of you. I know many posts of this nature end by telling you to stop treating women badly. And, I mean, yes please do stop if you find yourself in that place. But that's not what I'm here to tell you. 

Instead, I would like to take this time to tell you something I don't think you get told enough: You, as men, have such immense power and potential to positively impact the women around you. I need you to know that this is not just a women's issue. There are women all around you that need healing, and God can use you for His glory in that process. 

One example of this is shown through what God is doing to restore women who have been sex trafficked. God can bring all the women in the world to these shattered girls to minister to them, but there is something powerful in men stepping in and treating them differently then all the prior men who merely saw them as sex objects worth raping. When a man steps in and looks at her as a human and talks to her as if her voice matters, there is a certain aspect of her healing that begins that no woman could have made happen.

Men, you have the same power in the lives of women around you. In fact, I saved a specific statistic just for you. And I did so to make a very important point.

Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family. [source]

I would like to add something to this statistic, and that is this: most often the abuser is male. This is not always true. But statistics show that it is often the case. There are a lot of bad men in the world that use their position of power to hurt and use the women in their lives.

Why am I telling you this? Well first, I want to thank you for being the good guys. There are a lot of bad men in the world, but you are not one of them. But second, I want to explain why a lot of women feel like there are no good men in the world. 

When a woman is so deeply hurt by a man in her own family, it shapes the way she sees all men. God created girls to grow up with their fathers and brothers and uncles and cousins being examples of what men are like. As she grows older, she will get to know more men that are outside of these roles, but the men in those roles will forever color the way she sees all men. If such a vast majority of women are so deeply hurt by the men that they are so intimately acquainted with, how are we to expect women to respond? Why are we surprised when most women find it hard to trust the men around them? 

This is where I call upon the men of the church to act. God can use you to help heal and restore some of this damage that has been done. As you serve the women around you, God can start to restore their faith in men by showing them how he created men to treat women. 

God can use you to remind his daughters that men were created to be

protectors instead of abusers

humble servants instead of greedy rapists

and empower-ers instead of silencers

God can use you to empower the women around you and give them a voice so they can be equally involved in reflecting the image of God to the broken world. 

I know I've laid a lot of heavy information out for you, and now you want to know how you can fix the problem. So I'm gonna break it down for you in some really practical ways. These do not even come close to scratching the surface, which is why I ask you to wrestle with God about what He's asking of you, but here they are:

1. SEE the women in pain around you. This sounds simple, but it makes a world of difference.

2. PURSUE the women in pain around you. I'm not using this word in the cliche romantic way we're so used to. What I mean is don't shy away from relationship when women fail to trust you. Trusting you is going to be very hard if she has experienced abuse of any kind from a man that was close to her. Pursue her even when she has not reciprocated the favor. Ask her how she's doing even if it takes her a year to give you a real answer. Show her that you won't give up on her like other men have. Show her that you care about her as a person, and not just for what benefit you can get out of the friendship.

3. LISTEN to the women in pain around you. I know you want to fix it. And there may come moments when you can step in and take action. But the most powerful thing you can do for her is listen to her talk about what she has suffered and say, "I'm so sorry that happened to you. That should never happen. I'm here."

4. FIGHT for the women in pain around you. This can come in many different forms. One huge way you could fight for women is to stand against the things that victimize them. It's not just a woman's issue when a rapist gets a couple months probation instead of getting locked behind bars. It's not just a woman's issue when sexual assault gets blamed on what the girl was wearing that day. It's not just a women's issue when she comes to work flustered because a group of guys catcalled her on her way there, and now her guy friends are telling her "to be flattered". It's not just a women's issue when the guys are punching each other and joking about abuse, when three of the women watching have actually been abused. These are not just women's issues. These are world issues. And you can be a part of standing up against them. Let's make the church known for standing up for what's right. Let's let the church stand out for fighting for the truth. May the church be the place on earth where sisters fight for their brothers and brothers fight for their sisters. 

That's what I've got. I'm sure that there is more that could be said and I'm sure that it could have been said more eloquently in many cases. But may the Lord use these words to open your eyes, and change your hearts about half of the church's population. May we stand up for what's right, cry with those who cry, and follow in Jesus' footsteps even in this. May the church be known for being vastly different from how the world's inter-gender relationships function.

I truly believe that inter-gender relationships are something Satan has been using since the Fall to cause great division and deep hurt, but we can be different.

So I ask you, what words would you use to describe the women around you? Because there's one word you should add:

Survivor.

Chapter Seven: The Story Goes On

After God provided for my October school payment, I went to bed joyous over the love and faithfulness He had shown me. Each time I pondered His love, it brought me to tears. I could not even understand how He could be so good to me over and over again. It seemed to good to be true. Little did I know what He would do next.

I woke up the next morning at my normal time, ready for another day of school and more school. As I started preparing for my day, I noticed an envelope slipped under my door with my name on it. I picked it up, intrigued as to what it might be. I opened it and read the note inside, "From a [friend] who cares about your education..." I wondered what might be inside the envelope, so I opened it further and took a look. 

"No way! NO WAY! Oh my goodness! OH MY GOSH! What?"

My roommate looked up, wondering what I was freaking out about. "What? What's in it?"

"A hundred and fifty dollars!!!"

"What? No way!"

"I KNOW!"

For the one hundredth time, I was speechless at God's goodness to me. He had provided for me more times than I could count. It was no longer just a one time thing. It had become a pattern in my life. He had taught me over and over to trust Him, and when my trust started to falter He took my hand and gave me a gentle reminder of His faithfulness. 

Still, I am overwhelmed with gratitude to my heavenly Father whenever I think of how faithful He has been to me.

And it is still not easy to trust Him, when I don't have a plan B. Each time it takes more faith and dependence on Him. 

Still, I don't have a job. I've applied to many. I've even had many promising job interviews, but each time God closed the door. 

I still do not have enough money for my next school payment, but I trust that God will provide just enough money in just enough time. Because He cares for me. And He has called me out on the water to walk towards Him in faith.

But I'm kind of excited to see how He will provide for my next payment! Aren't you?

Chapter Six: Watch What I Can Do!

Chapter Six: Watch What I Can Do!

As October approached I began to get nervous about my next school payment. Now before I go on, let me explain what I mean by nervous. You see, God had been slowly growing my faith over the past few months. I no longer tried to provide for myself by myself. He had taught me to trust in Him. I no longer wondered if He could provide large chunks of money because I knew He could. He had taught me to trust in Him. I no longer wondered if He could provide money in enough time. I knew He could. He had taught me to trust Him. And I was no longer afraid that somehow it wasn't His will to provide money for me. I knew He had specifically called me to Moody Bible Institute for this season and He would provide the funds needed for that. He had taught me to trust in Him.

So I was not nervous that I had to work harder to make the money I needed. I was not nervous that God might not be able to provide enough money. I was not nervous that God might not be able to provide money in enough time. And I was not nervous that He didn't want to provide me money. God had taught me to have faith in all of those areas. It was a different kind of nervous.

You know when you watch a suspenseful movie sometimes. Whether it's an action movie or a thriller movie or just and intense scene, you often feel a certain kind of suspense as you watch the story unravel. It's not that you wonder if you favorite character will survive or if they will get the package, or if they will save the fair maiden or if they will slay the beast. In most cases you know that everything will turn out just fine. You know that your favorite character will conquer in the end. So you don't feel that suspense because you're scared about what might happen to them. Often, you feel the intensity because you just don't know how they will get there. You don't know how that character will make it from point A to point B. You don't know how much pain and suffering they might go to to get there. You don't know how long they will have to wait and fight to finally be victorious. You don't feel nervous because you wonder how the story will end. You feel nervous because you don't know how it will get there.

And that is the kind of nervousness I felt as I waited for God to provide the money for my school payment. I knew that He had it all worked out already. I knew that there was a happy ending. But as the deadline approached, I sat in suspense waiting to see how that would happen. 

Once again I was nervous I would go under my checking account limit and have to pay fees. I would be paying the last bit of money I had made working Camp and I didn't know if I had enough. 

"God, you're going to have to work this all out, you know. I don't have enough money for this. Once again, if you don't provide what I need, I have no plan B. I'm trusting you to make sure I don't go under the limit because I can't afford to pay any extra fees right now. Please provide for what I need. I know you are faithful and good and that you will take care of me."

And as I prayed this prayer over and over, I felt God telling me, "Just write the check and watch what I can do!"

So I did. One afternoon, I sat down on my bed, pulled out my checkbook and wrote the check out for the exact payment needed. I knew that even if I didn't have enough money in my account to stay above the $500, God would work it out somehow. What happened next left me speechless. 

As I balanced my checkbook, and added up the numbers I waited to see if I even had any money left. I did the math and wrote down the answer: $509. I had $509 left in my account. Just enough so that I didn't have to pay fees. I freaked out. 

"Oh my goodness! OH MY GOODNESS! Jesus, you are SO good! Thank you so much for providing for me over and over. You are more faithful to your people than I can even comprehend. Thank you!"

And once again, God had provided exactly what I needed. He is faithful! 

Chapter Five: Another Trust Fall

Chapter Five: Another Trust Fall
Do you know what the trust fall is? Well, sometimes I feel like God asks me to do a trust fall into his arms. And no matter how many times I've done it before, it's always quite frightening. I feel like this is a good picture of what the month of September looked like for me.

You see, I had a plan. As soon as I moved on campus I was going to apply for a job in food service. I was sure it would be an easy in because I knew two people already working in the food service department and they both said it shouldn't be too hard to get a job there. So that was my plan. I would move on campus and get a job and make enough money in that first month to pay for my next school payment and keep going like that.

But I should have seen it coming, shouldn't I? God doesn't schedule His life around our plans. In fact, He often has much better plans that He will work out in our lives if we only trust Him. And he definitely didn't work around my plan. I handed in my application and waited eagerly for a call or email inviting me in for an interview. And then a week passed. And then another week passed. And before you know it a month had passed and I hadn't heard anything back. A few acquaintances of mind had already heard back and started working.

"This isn't right," I thought, "God, wasn't this the plan? Wasn't I gonna get a job here and work and earn lots of money? What went wrong? Did I not hand the application in early enough? Did I misspell a word? Did I fill something out wrong? What happened?"

At about the same time, I was also being bombarded by a myriad of things I had to do in my life and I was overwhelmed. I had to fill out paperwork, I had to go to orientation meetings, I had to do homework and figure out how all my classes worked, I had to make friends, I had to pay fees for various things and hand in various sheets to various departments, and more. I began to get so anxious.

"God, I can't do this. I have so much to do and I have no idea how to get it all done in time. I have to do a bunch of adulty things and I don't know if I'm adult enough. I have to know things and accomplish things and submit things and I can't keep it all straight! AH!"

One morning as I was expressing these feelings to God, I was sitting outside on a bench. It was a warm day, and as I prayed my eyes drifted up to the clear blue sky. I watched as several birds floated on top of the air currents without a worry in the world.

"God, I wish I could be like them. They don't have to worry about anything."

To which God replied, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25-34)

It was then that I got it. It was then that it finally clicked. When God said do not worry, He meant it. He wasn't telling me to only worry about the big things that would cause damage if they didn't work out. He wasn't telling me to lift it up to him with a clenched fist. He was telling me that He had it all in His control. He was telling me that I literally did not have to worry about everything. I could once again stop striving and rest in Him. And so I did. I didn't know where the money for my next school payment would come from if I couldn't find a job, but I trusted that He would figure it out which meant I didn't have to. 

Chapter Four: But wait, there's more!

Chapter Four: But Wait, There's More!
Once again, the time was quickly approaching for me to pay my next school bill. And as it approached, I found something strange happening in my heart. As the deadline quickly approached I found that I wasn't anxious. I wasn't worrying. Because I remembered what God had done last month, and I was sure He could do it again if He wanted to. So I didn't worry. My parents, as parents do, would occasionally ask how I was going to pay, and I never knew the specific answer to that question, but I knew it would all work out.

That sounds like a lazy view doesn't it? I thought so at first too. You can't just sit around hoping for everything to work out, can you? Normally, no. You cannot. But you know what makes all the difference? God. And if He has promised to provide for your every need according to His will, why would we reject that and try to do it on our own? Doesn't that route sound so much more tiring and purposeless if someone has already offered to do the dirty work for you?

But I get it. Because I felt so lazy at first too. It wasn't that I was choosing to not do anything because I wasn't willing to do the work. No, that's different. What was happening is that I was learning what it meant to rest in the Lord and stop striving.

That word - striving - do you know what I mean by that? It's that kind of work where you are chasing and chasing after something until you get it. It's the idea of a hamster running on it's hamster wheel. Do you understand how meaningless that is? God has not called us to do no work. In fact, sometimes He specifically calls us to work. According to Him, hard work is good. But He has called us to stop striving. He's called us to stop working so hard on our own, when He's already offered to do the hard work for us. He's called us to stop running on that hamster wheel that doesn't go anywhere, and instead piggy back on Him.

And this was exactly what I was learning in late July. God was teaching me to stop striving and trust Him. Of course that makes no sense in the world's standards, but why would we expect God's standards of living to ever make sense to a broken and sin filled world?

Just as the deadline approached for me to pay my next school bill, my dad asked if He could talk with me. I was baffled at what He could possibly have to say that was so important, but I expected it to be somewhat bad since you rarely ask to talk to someone like that if you have good news. But oh, how wrong I was! In the next few minutes my father shared with me that an organization had decided to give me a one thousand dollar scholarship for school! I was overjoyed. And I was so pleased to see that resting in God's sovereignty had not been a mistake.

I once again was overcome with an awe for God and His awesome power. I was once again reminded of His faithfulness and His goodness. I was once again reminded that He saw me in my plight and cared for me. And once again, I was reminded of His great love for me.

When was the last time you truly took a step back from all the stressors in your life, and rested in God to work them out? When was the last time you choose not to worry about things that should be cause for anxiety and instead trust in God? I encourage you to cast your burdens on the Lord today because His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Chapter Three: Just In Time

Chapter Three: Just in Time
Did you know that God knows more than you do? I knew that too. But sometimes it's easy to forget until He shows you. Well He definitely showed me, and this is how it happened.

Since God had provided the thousand dollars for me to pay for school with, I had been so happy and excited about His never ending faithfulness. As I made my checklist of things to do before school started, I was so encouraged. I knew that God has clearly called me to Moody Bible Institute, and I was slowly making progress in checking things off my list so I could go. One of the things on that list was to sign up for the payment plan. I knew I didn't have enough money to pay for the entire semester all at once.

So one night I sat down and opened the website. I filled in the sheet for the payment program with my name, address, birthday, and class details, and submitted it to the appropriate department. I then found out some information I had not known before. The first payment was due on July 1st. Which was only a few days away. At first I freaked out.

"I didn't know I had to pay so soon. Oh no! Will the check get there in time? Will I have to pay late fees?"

But then as I thought about it more, I became more in awe of God. The amount I had to pay was just over a thousand dollars. Around the same amount God had just provided for me. This was pretty amazing to me. But that wasn't the only thing that was amazing.

In my particular checking account at the bank, I have to keep at least $500 in the account to avoid paying any extra fees. As I wrote out the check, addressed the envelope, and balanced my checkbook, I was amazed to realize something else. I had originally thought that God had provided that thousand dollars way ahead of time. I wondered why God would do that, because it seemed unlike Him. But little did I know that it wasn't very far ahead of time at all.

What actually happened was that God knew something I didn't and provided for it just in time. If I did not receive that thousand dollars in the time that I did, I would have gone under the limit in my checking account and would've had to pay a bunch of fees that I couldn't afford.

Once again I was in awe of God. I was reminded that He is so faithful and SO good. Sometimes we don't even know we need His provision and He still provides. Sometimes He gives us things we didn't even know to ask for. He is always watching out for us and caring for us, whether averting a crisis from happening in our lives, or whether providing just the right thing at just the right time.

We so often worry about the "what if's", but do we realize how many "what if's" God has already prevented from happening in our day? How much more would we trust our Lord if we realized how faithful He is in caring for His children.

He doesn't just care about the big things, dear Christian. He cares about the small things to...like a checkbook balance. What are you worried about today? What makes you anxious? Ask the Lord to show you His faithful provision for you, and you may just find your eyes widening in awe of your heavenly Daddy!